BEING HUMAN

I have had 2 people tell me recently that despite my illness, it was nice to see me being "HUMAN". So...I started asking myself and them what that meant. It takes a bit of guts to do this...it means you might hear things about yourself that are not pleasant (apparently, I am "bossy" and I have a "loud mouth!"). It might mean learning about your quirks and bad habits that others may see but you don't (I can't remember anyone's name; I forget things like getting the brother's pictures printed up or getting a needed item for one of the workers or batteries for one of the residents; etc etc). It might also mean learning that you have a good side that you never knew was there. You must toss aside the ego...take a chance.

I dare you to try and ask someone how they really see you. I think you may be surprised...We cannot learn about ourselves until we brush up against others. We cannot step into our full potential unless we see the full truth about ourselves. I was told this by a wise woman long ago but am learning now what she meant.

On being human....something that cannot be helped...I detest being human most of the time...I am not patient with illness...get easily frustrated when things move slow or when I get too tired to complete something. I never thought I was anything BUT human. I can only see my shortcomings and mistakes. I thought this is what being human was...I was wrong...this is only part of it.

During this illness, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I NEEDED people...I was too sick to function on my own. I needed the kindness of the sisters to bring me tea and food. I relied on Douglass, our medical officer to hang an IV drip despite the inconvenience to him to do this after work... then sit with me to just watch movies. I needed Juliette to keep me company during the day. I needed the Brothers to bring the boys in for short visits to lift my spirits. I needed Robin to run me to the Doctor, take care of my computer issues, to run errands and to make me laugh at myself when I was down. I needed all of them to hold space while I cried...yes...actually broke down and cried when I felt I was too tired to keep fighting and wanted to give up.

All of them held me in tender compassion. All of them were fully present and caring. I have never felt so broken down and helpless. THIS is what others see as being human...I needed to rely on others...this is what made me approachable...made me more real. At least this is what I was told by 2 dear friends...Douglass and Robin.

It is during these times of being most vulnerable when we show our helplessness and needs to those around us who care that we show our strength...it takes strength and courage to be vulnerable. We must not only be the needed, we must realize we need others as well.

We are then showing how HUMAN we are...that the truth is that no man is an island. I am realizing that now. I do need people...I believe God made us this way to learn that our friendships and relationships are reflections of HIS great ability to allow us to rely on Him.