THE CHILDREN TEACH ME

We all took the military truck to the center, saying prayers as we left and prayers as we got there. They pray all the time. It is really nice actually esp since travel can be treacherous. We had to sit waiting for our instructions from the Brother in charge. 2 of the girls were sick today and stayed home so I was to help in the dorms getting the children ready.

I have been trying to live the lives of the girls I am working with. I realized in Afghanistan that Abada had many more responsibilities than I had. I had expectations of her without realizing this. I didn’t want to make the same mistake here. I am up when they are up, going to mass, to prayer, to Rosary, to night prayer, etc. When I ask them if they like this life, they all brighten up saying YES YES and they can’t imagine NOT going to work. HMMM…maybe life at home is harder? 

I didn’t know where to start and what to do. One of the girls just waved her hands toward all the buildings and said, “help them”. Right….thanks. I met one of the woman who works there. She is young and pretty. She gave me a funny look when I was introduced as a PT. I have seen that look before (a mixture of eye rolling with great...what else is she going to ask me to do) I hope that I am wrong. I want to be sure she thought of me as her help not a pain in the ass, so to speak.

I found my shadow person and asked her to give me a task. She waved her hand over 4 mattresses on the floor and said “we take care of THEM today” There was a large mosquito net over 5 small crumpled bodies in various contortions. They all lay there quietly looking at us or just staring straight ahead.

I had a sudden onset of fear (something I am now getting very very used to) I had NO idea what to do. I said a small prayer and then tried to think about what Paula Johnson would be doing. I thought to myself, she’d just love on them. I started out by lifting the net and patting their little legs. They barely even took notice. Once child in particular was very restless, obviously was a CP quad with extensor tone, ATNR and ADD legs. He was arching his back and yelling when I touched him. The child behind was smiling. The PT lifted the net, grabbed another child by the legs and pulled him toward her roughly like you would a chicken and then lifted the child off the mat by his arms at the wrist saying, “I need this one”. I decided to follow her and realized she had been putting children in standing frames, which lined the porch facing the patio at the railing. I helped her get him strapped in. I was surprised he could even straighten out that much as he was in a little ball lying there on the mat.

He had been crying earlier and one of the girls had tenderly rocked him on the mat until he stopped. I couldn’t figure out what any of the kids needed or wanted. I felt useless, stupid, unhelpful and in the way. The only reason I didn’t cry is that the children were so pitiful, that this would be incredibly self centered to allow those feelings.

I went back and stroked the kids under the netting. The one that was arching and vocalizing got the least attention, I noticed. None of the disabled kids got much attention at all really. They were wet and smelled of urine. Many had patches on their skin or wrinkled hands from the tone holding their hands in their crotches. I tried to reposition the fidgety one but it wasn’t working.

I then noticed an older woman passing bread out to all the kids. She broke off pieces and placed them in the mouths of the kids under the net….all except the fidgety one. I then saw that this child would cry out when the woman passed with bread. I thought to myself, “Maybe he is just hungry”. The woman placed the rest of the bread in a bowl to be tossed out. I grabbed a piece and dipped it in the red broth like I saw her do a moment before with another child. I lifted the net and immediately the fidgety child opened his mouth. I gave him a piece then 2 more….THEN I had a panic that maybe this child was only on gruel d/t swallowing problems. I stopped immediately after I realized the child was OK and hadn’t choked and made a note to ask the Mother in charge when I saw her. 

I heard wailing across the porch. I looked up to see the small child the PT put in the standing frame earlier was sobbing. I went to him but could not console him. I decided to take him out of the thing. The other kids just hung out in their frames for at least 2 hrs as if they had no choice. They were all strapped in and lined up to watch the other kids play but not facing each other and no one was engaging them. It was sad really. Anyhow, I didn’t know how to hold a kid let alone one with tone issues. I just carried him as if sitting holding his back against my belly and supporting his rump and leaned him back against my chest. He looked up at me and stopped crying. I talked to him softly “Ya, I’ll rescue you from that thing”

I started to enjoy this and he did to. I sat down on a large chair with him sitting in front. I started just doing trunk ROM by rocking and twisting and getting him to lean to one side and reach out to pat any child that walked by. He even smiled a couple times. I worked on trying to get him to sit upright and to use his hands. I used the technique Robin and Paula showed my by curving the shoulder blades forward to get the hands in front. He did not engage his own hands so we did patty cake. He relaxed quite a bit and even opened his hands. 

I realized I could not only work with the children I liked but I needed to work with all of them. I went back to the net and put my sleepy boy down for a nap. I grabbed the smiling girl behind the fidgety one because the fidgety one got really rambunctious and hollered with any attempt to move or handle him. I worked with the smiling girl the same way I had done with the other boy. She kept smiling BIG.

I had to get over the fact they were all soaking wet, urine was going straight through my clothes, I had baby snot running down my arm and I was being coughed and sneezed on. God was giving me a HUGE lesson in LOVE today.

I was then rounded up by my shadow who was not smiling and told me I had to get the kids ready for feeding. We had to mash up this white stuff up into the broth until it looked like mash. This was an incredible waste of time as this was very time consuming. I have got to fogure out an easier way for them to prepare food to allow them to spend more time with the kids. All the kids were being fed except for the fidgety one who’s eyes were glued on the food bowls. My shadow then tells me, “Go feed that one”. You guessed it, the one no one seemed to like.

I couldn’t bear watching them all being fed lying down. I had no idea how they swallowed anything. I decided to try and sit my child up and feed him. He became very angry at this and was wresting in my arms. I sort of propped him in my lap with his head at least at 30 degrees. He was still unhappy. The Brother next to me softly said, just lie him down like this, they eat that way. I couldn’t do it especially knowing what I knew about swallowing. 

It took a lot of coordination to try and feed this fidgety child who knocked the food off the spoon with his head swings most of the time. I managed to get a rhythm down and realized the kid was screaming when he wanted another bite….he was STARVING! I chuckled and joked with him stating I know how it feels not to get enough down fast enough. I myself LOVE to eat. 

This is a very small child, but we finished a bowl bigger than my own lunch in no time flat. I asked the worker if I could get more food for him as he was obviously still hungry. I think this child knew exactly what I was asking because there was a light of excitement in his eyes as he looked at me and then the other woman. Initally she said the food was for the other children. I said, “But he’s really hungry” She got up and filled my bowl ½ as much again.

This kid ate and ate and ate and barely slowed down. I started to say “Hey hun, slow down or you’ll throw it all up again” This time he smiled and then he smiled again and more often. We finished the second bowl quickly and he sat calm with his head in my lap.

I had asked this question time and time again and kept getting the same response “ can we change these kids? They are soaking wet!” I kept being told, “No” It’s not time. I found out the kids only get changed 3 x day. No one knew why other than this is how it is done. (I have a feeling I will keep running into this statement) This poor kid was soaking wet. One of the brothers helped me get him out of his pants before being taken to the dorm for a nap (and probably for the rest of the night as well) That’s when I realized I was actually working with MATILDA! A girl! I told her I’d see her tomorrow.

I spent the rest of the time doing dishes but this time it went faster. I had a system. I pre-rinsed the dishes so the water would not get muddy so soon. It worked well. We were done by 2:15 and the girls were sitting resting and waiting for the truck to pick us up. I was restless and not tired enough. There was a woman singing and playing the guitar for the more mobile children and ones in WCs. The very disabled ones were stuck in their rooms. I couldn’t sit there any longer and went off to check out the kids in the dorms.

I was attacked from behind by this big brown eyed smiling girl who grabbed my leg. I goofed with her a bit and a couple others came by. I then looked in on these 2 mat tables that had several small children lying there. I wobbled one who smiled big, grabbed another and placed her on my lap trying to control her LE extension tone. I had her reach out and tickle another boy who lay next to us. They were all giggling.

I did the toe thing “This little piggy..” with the boy lying there. He giggled and kept sticking his foot out at me. I realized he had a pretty good grip with his toes, He could grab my finger and pull. We did this game several times when the brown eyed girl that grabbed me earlier came in with another friend. I saw them roughly hit the boy on the mat. I told her she had to be kind as this was her brother and then showed her how to softly touch him. 

I actually had a little bit of fun with them. I was tired when I left as all this NEWNESS was wearing on me. I feel horribly incompetent with the kids. I know I could do more but there is so many basic needs yet to be taken care of...the people are working as hard and as fast as they can. there is little extra time for PT. My mind is already cranking out ideas, systems, things that are functional and EASY. I twill take me some time to work it out in my head. I still have to be sure I really understand the jobs of each of the people working there. I need to see what struggles they have, where they need help what they feel would be helpful. I have tried to ask here and there but they are so busy and some of my questions are hard for them to understand. 

I pray I can do better tomorrow. I will pray I can. Right now, I need to continue to get myself used to a whole new everything! I need to continue to be open and to just experience life here, to take in all the experiences, process them. Maybe, when God feels it's time, He will give me the insight He always has in the past. It is His mission after all...not mine.