SUFFER THE CHILDREN

The boys have all been coming down with some bug this week. The Medical Officer, Douglass, has been busy with patients (in addition to all his assistants). I am sure others can all relate to the fact that that when one child in your home gets sick, it usually spreads like wildfire. Sure enough, every day there were at least 2-3 new children that were dropping like flies.

I did more nursing care this week than PT. I did feel compassion for their discomfort trying to cover them in blankets and rub their heads and back. There was little else I could do. Most of them lay there alone for at least 2 days. The Dorm matrons were also getting sick. Despite this, one sick matron lifted her mosquito net and gestured me to bring Trevor (who I could not console despite all the diaper changing, rocking and cooing I did).  Trevor is autistic, which makes it more painful for him when he has discomfort of any kind as he does not have any tools to process this information.

She was able to get him to calm by getting him to smell some menthol rub and listen to music on her cell phone. I was overcome with her ability to calm him and felt horribly inadequate. I changed diapers and clothing and spent time rubbing backs and checking on the kids. I guarantee it takes compassion to clean up very messy diapers without gloves and wipes using only your hands, toilet paper and water. Rags are in short supply. It teaches one compassion on a deep level.

Today, Friday, I began to feel the tingles and body pain of a developing fever. It was mild so I ignored this hoping it would pass as I drank more water and continued my work. By noon, it was coming on stronger though still tolerable. By 4:15PM, teatime, I was considering lying down to rest for a bit. By 5 PM I was in agony with a full on fever and body aches, headache and chest pressure and pain. These were all the same symptoms the children had been having all week.

I sat there in the chapel waiting until the 6 PM transport praying it would be on time today (it rarely is) I would have taken a boda boda home if it weren’t for the rain and thunderstorms. I sat there counting off the seconds and praying for the time to go faster.

I realized this moment could be a gift to me. I pondered the children and realized the agony they were in when they were brought to the clinic to see Douglass. I felt their pain at this moment acutely. I decided to “give up the pain” for the children. Though the children did receive acetaminophen and antibiotics while Douglass was there, I thought they had to suffer without anything when he was gone (The Brothers later assured me that these sick ones get special care including medications from the matrons overnight). I think about the poor throughout the world…they and their children do have to suffer without care. Who is going to care for them? Who is going to Mother them when they are ill? I DARE anyone to suffer the pain of the Flu without any Tylenol, decongestant, cough syrup or Benadryl. I decided to try (though later failed).

The truck had driven up and had been parked there 5 min waiting for the Brothers. I could not tolerate waiting any moment longer and sent a worker to ask Brother Festis if we could leave NOW.  He came up immediately and gathered the Brothers to head home. I was holding it together in front of him though tears had been coming prior to that. I hate the fact I am reduced to tears when I get sick…WHAT IS THAT?!

They are always kind enough to let me sit in the cab of the open bed truck being a volunteer. THANK GOD as today it was raining hard. The Brothers had to suffer getting soaked and trying to huddle under a small tarp in the back of the truck freezing. I was rocking and praying that I could make it home, as I was rapidly feeling worse. Brother Festis leaned in to ask how I was….anyone knows when you are on the verge of tears and someone shows compassion, it opens the floodgates. The driver and Brother were kind enough to allow me space to get myself together.  We said the rosary (being 6 PM and rosary time), which helped me focus until we got home.

I barely made it to the shower (a cold shower today was agony though I knew it would bring my fever down). I took 2 Tylenol and jumped into bed and under several blankets. I kept thinking about the boys….how they were alone in their pain, I was hoping they had routine Tylenol to help them through the agony of the Flu.  I thought about how they quietly reported their pain and symptoms to Douglass and how the tears were streaming down their faces. Douglass cared for each one as if each child was his only son. I realized how much more compassion I should have showed them, how I should have brought them water and made sure they ate. I should have cried with them and held them tighter. I should have cared for them as the Sisters are now caring for me.

Can one moment of my empathy or regret relieve any of their suffering? NO. It then stands to reason that I am no better a person for having the experience of empathy unless I do something about it. This is where I fall behind in caring for the least of my Brothers and Sisters.

These little ones are so easy to ignore. Their pleas are minimal and quiet. It’s as if they have suffered so much in their own abandonment that they take on new suffering as if it is just a fact of life. They are resigned to suffer the pain alone and do not expect anyone to rescue them.  Unless a person knows their normal behavior, they would never notice these little ones going off to lie down on a bed curled up and silently crying.  It is as if they are suffering the pain of the abandoned world. They cry the tears of all who are alone and in pain. We should be so lucky to be in the presence of ones like these, if nothing else, to teach us the meaning of true suffering. Maybe we can bear our own with fewer complaints and begin to look on others with more compassion.