ALL SAINTS DAY

Today is a celebratory FEAST DAY for the Catholic Community!!!
Mine did not start out in a celebratory way. I am human after all and have my "Not so good days".

I spent most of the night in a state of frustration with the guard dogs who were planted outside my window. One dog, in particular, howled and barked ALL NIGHT LONG! I would start to drift off to sleep only to be woken with loud barking which would subside in 20 min. Again, I would drift off until the barking started 15-20 min later. This went on ALL night.

I found myself getting more and more frustrated with the passing hours...I was thinking of how much rest I needed...how I had to be physically able to keep up with the kids...my mind was racing over the stressors of decisions I had to make re the renovations for the PT room....of the upcoming need to finish the English lesson plans... how I wanted to go out and muzzle (or strangle) that big German Shepherd myself...etc etc.

I tried using earplugs and pillows/blankets on my head to no avail....the mere sound of a bark set me off by that point. I did get a hit at one point to just go to the chapel and pray and meditate. It may have helped me to be able to relax enough to fall asleep despite the barking.  I was too grumpy to follow this sound advice I was given. It may have been a gift, a moment of peace and a moment where I would "feel" that all my worries will work out and to let go of any stressors....BUT NO...the human part of me chose to stay in the frustration and wallow fully in the pain and anguish and mental anger! I chose to be grumpy and mad and think about everything that was frustrating me instead of opting for peace.

I paid for that decision...don't we all??

I finally fell asleep at 4:45 AM when the dog finally stopped barking. (I was checking the clock regularly to reinforce how little sleep I could say I had). I woke with the sound of barking at about 6:30 AM....YES...I slept through my alarm and missed a big celebratory Mass. OK...I did it to myself. The Sisters came back from Mass on a "high"...we had a HUGE Feast prepared for breakfast and though I wanted to say "poor me", no one cared to ask me why I wasn't there (People here are respectful and do not pry...therefore there was no segue to my "poor me" story...a GOOD lesson). I suddenly began to feel rather stupid at my chosen reaction to the whole thing.

I mentioned the dog thing to Brother Johnson who came up to me when I was doing dishes. He had a look that asked merely " Are you OK? Are you ill?".  I couldn't help but snap about how the dogs kept me up and I had no sleep. I asked if the Brothers could tie the dogs up closer to the front gate as Brother  John had showed them. Brother Johnson just quietly looked at me with compassion and said he would speak with the Brothers then turned to walk away. I then was filled with shame for being so abrupt.

It seemed like the whole day was like that...little lessons in humility...I decided to be adult and use this as an opportunity to practice graciousness and humility. I decided to go back to trusting and allowing. It was by the end of the day that things completely shifted. The children's amazing progress again filled me with the enthusiasm and passion for WHOM I was there to help. I recommitted my time here to doing and giving everything I have to help the children.

I came home with a feeling of profound PEACE....knowing that despite my human reactions, I was given the Grace of forgiveness (no one even seemed to know the internal battle I was going through) It was all in my head anyway. I learned a valuable lesson that could have been completely painless and yet inspiring. I know all is working out for a reason....everything is OK and will be and has always been. I waste too much energy worrying about silly things and fearing physical discomfort (like lack of sleep) as if this will KILL me.

NOW...when the dogs wake me at night, I hear this as a call to say a prayer for whomever woke me up asking me to pray for them. I say the Hail Mary...I smile and then I fall back asleep.