My reflections from the last week in response to a friend's email. Thought I would share this with all as it may also apply to many. I realize what drew me down this path was an unconscious need to feed the part of me inside that was missing. Meditation and prayer this week have opened my eyes to many things. My day does not consist of PT alone as the basic needs of the kids often outweigh the need for PT:
Please do not think I am doing anything special. I am not...there is a lot of real humility that one learns coming here. Sometimes I am not doing PT....I was just thinking about the other day...this was a snapshot of a moment (does not always happen mind you but at times it does)....
I walk into the dorm in the morning...it is raining out so it is rather chilly and even I have a jacket on. The kids are all naked and sitting in the shower room...lots of screaming and excitement with the "specials" as they call them. I try and get these slippery little bodies into the dorms, the floor is like glass when wet so holding them is more dangerous than sliding them along the floor.
I ask the one dorm matron if there are any towels..."No"....she says, "use a bed sheet"...I grab one to dry one of the many shivering kids...I work on the ones who have been ill or have no mobility and no body fat and are shivering. The others call my name incessantly "Sister Carol ! Sister Carol! ME! ME!" I respond..."I'm coming, I'm coming" but then one starts peeing up into the air and is amused by watching his stream which is now falling onto at least 3 of the newly clean kids...I rush to move them out of the way and another child is trying to pull one of the specials off the bed so I rescue him...then the shivering ones start crying so I go back to try and dry them off with the now wet bed sheet.
Another now poops in the middle of the floor and I have to try and move some of the other specials out of the way as they are crawling on top of the mess. At the same time looking around for some toilet paper (you can forget finding gloves or mop or trash or anything)...I ask the matron who shrugs her shoulders and continues on (you can see the fatigue in her eyes so I do not blame her)..all this while the kids are still calling my name from every direction as more are slid back into the dorm from the shower all needing to be dried off.
I start to spin in a circle wondering which way to turn and who to help first....the chaos is overwhelming for a moment. I ask God for help. One of the "specials" is crying from cold, I go to him and amidst the total noise and chaos look into his eyes and start to sing to him and be present with him instead of scattered around the room....I dry him off and put a pamper (which I finally found) and clothes on him and he stops crying...the priority of kids now pops into my head as if a Mother (Mary) is whispering into my ear..."go to this one...now this one"
Somehow, through the chaos, and through just methodically moving through the needs, the kids all get dried and clothed...they get a moment of special attention during the day...a minute or two where the rest of the world melts away and it is only that one little child that matters. They are told they are special and loved....this little crumb and the little crumbs of love the Brothers give during their small moments during the day are what these kids live on...
I think about my life and how busy I used to get...I realize that it is easy for me to forget I need these crumbs as well...so do our family and friends...just because we are adults doesn't mean we can feed our souls off of nothing. We need to feed each other with these moments of special attention. Being here has taught me that though, I did go to church and pray and think of myself as spiritual, I was starving my soul from these moments with God, who through his Omnipotent ways, is able to give us these moments at any time we ask...funny, though my starving soul was crying out with need like these kids, I didn't stop and take a moment to be fully present with God in order to satisfy that need.
How absolutely silly of me!
PEACE!
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